Color Black

What do people mean when they

say they have a black black mood?

Why that color, lack of color?

I lay down on the desert with a gun

a big black 9 mm,

stuck it at my head, looked up into the sky.

It felt good there, substantial, like it could

really end

something.

About two inches from the end of the barrel,

it used to be about what I

didn’t have

and then it's about what I

have too much of.

I didn’t really mean it

yet

not yet

after awhile I could feel the ants on my

sleeve and thought

how it’s good looking into the sky

hearing almost nothing

looking right into the color blue.

It’s saved me before, many times

in fact.

The colors,

the smell of trees, grass, dirt,

it’s so hard to keep a straight face

putting yourself up against the earth

when you realize every misery wants some kind

of audience.