Monday, January 23, 2012

Dog Eulogy


The dog just died.

Ten miles in, among the saxifrage
and the boulders,
a lump of red hair, froth at
the mouth.

The flies already around,
the smell like nothing else.
The morning getting hot
as the sun crept down
the rim of Eagle Creek.

There was no reason for it,
not that we could see.
The dog went to sleep, and woke up
dead.
Mysterious as a fish that walks
from one puddle to another.

It wasn’t a problem so much
as a carcass to be buried now,
wrapped in a nylon tent for a shroud
carried up the slope
into the scree.

Piling granite upon the
dead, first a ring of stones
and then working in
then that point where
one has to be placed directly upon
the body.

Then it is not just an exercise,
it is the taste of bile
on the tongue
the thought of the lungs piled under so many
rocks not able to breath,
it is the first cobble upon
all graves to come.

my own for instance

One last check for breath
before the stone is laid down squarely on
the stomach
then the rest
the plonking sound
of granite on granite.

It made a tidy mound,
a cairn for mouse and
moisture to rearrange
with some orange paintbrush
and dog kibbles for an
offering
to life and death itself.

Oh, maybe there was some other place
than this
for the dog’s soul
to roam to.

But It was a day of blooming paintbrush
in shadeless meadows,
the scent of crushed horsemint.

The sky was blue,
the snowmelt draining
through the spongy alpine meadow
roaring over the rocks.

And I doubt the aspen
leaves anywhere else
twinkle like a
thousand silver mirrors,
the way they do there.

The Letter

I got a letter from someone I didn’t want to hear from
who accused me of things I didn’t want to be accused of.
It seems she’d fround religion and her faith was
like daylight savings; it required her to set the clock back far into
the past to where it intersected with my own memory and caught the two of us there, suspended like ants in amber.

My own path back to that moment was like a twisted copper wire,
it turned back on itself, was thin in places, became knots and webs
circling over itself.

I had no fear of tracing its tangle back to the thing she accused me of,
but something in me arose automatically to her accusation
and I arrived in time at the office of the abortionist.

Nothing of that waiting room hid from me
I looked on that eighteen year old boy, sitting under fluorescent lights
waiting and pretending to focus on a stray Time magazine.

Nothing was happy in me there, no feeling of power or coercion
no sense of getting anything I wanted and she did not
just a penetrating sense of failure and worry
as I waited on the side of the door that led out into the summer sunshine
and she on the other side which led only to its locked rooms.

If her faith, in that moment when she appeared at the door
groggy, defeated, and sad, was with us it was a ghost.
It may have spoken to her, it may have roared in her ear.
I did not hear it and she did not speak of it.

Later, she told me the shaking hand of the old
doctor, his rheumy eyes and cold breath,
had taken not one but all future children from her womb.

Yet now she lives in the suburbs
of Atlanta with
three babies and a bible.

And I remember the little black flowers on her dress,
the tatooed skull on her ankle,
the sunshine on the parking lot that day,
more than I care for her peace of mind. 

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Truck

The transmission has been reluctant about
second gear for many years.

The high squeal of the alternator
digs into my brain like a letter opener.

The wipers don’t work where the
windshield is spider-webbed with
cold weather cracks.

The oil pressure reads zero, always.

This vehicle, it is not a symbol of gradual increase—
no slow move into middle age,
middle tax brackets,
middle everything.

It’s just a piece of shit without even
that flogistin of character that would
offset the stress of driving around in it.

A reminder that I have become, mostly, a
swinger of hammers,
curser of building inspectors,
half-assed libertarian carpenter.

What I said I would never be but can’t get it together to not be.

All I need now is the pony tail
and the A.A. schedule.

Keep comin' back, it works.